Nightwing - Alfred's Return #1: The Britannia Coup Review
Medium: Comic
Release date: 7/1/1995
Review date: 10/22/2024
Score: 4/10
What a bizarre stand alone - so following the events of “Batman: Knightfall” (the story arc featuring the premiere of the super villain Bane, who eventually breaks Bruce’s back and causes a Frenchman to be Batman for a bit), Alfred and Bruce get into it over Bruce pushing himself too hard to stop the villain Benedict Asp (who even I, with my journeyman’s knowledge of Batman and Gotham, couldn’t remember. I looked him up and he’s even less important than I thought - during the third act of the second arc of the “Knightfall” saga (“Knightquest: The Search,” if you’re nasty), Asp is the adopted brother of Bruce’s physical therapist who he’s in love with and who is also the mother of the third Robin, and who Asp kidnaps in order to use her mind powers to kill people in England, and when Bruce confronts him, a psychic battle ensues where the psionic side effect energy of said battle fixes Bruce’s broken spine (sure, whatever), defeats Asp, but causes Batman’s physical therapist lover’s/Robin’s mom’s brain to be reduced to that of a child, leading to Bruce throwing her in mental asylum and skedaddling back to Gotham. And I’m sure we can all agree that the most important part to take away from that whole situation is that Alfred is mad at Bruce. Aren’t comics great?). So anyways, Big Al is just chilling in England not being a butler anymore when he decides to go hit up an old biddy from his acting days and take another swing at being her, uh, “understudy.” Said old flame, Joanna, is happy to see him, and we learn she and Alfred used to be a couple before she got together with another actor Jonny, who has since passed away. Alfred, who immediately stopped listening at “dead husband,” is delighted to hear this, and scores himself an invite to dinner at Joanna’s place. We cut away from that riveting action to follow Nightwing (sporting a Steven Seagal ponytail) try and track down the former butler, stating that even though Bruce might be too prideful to ask Alfred to return, he’s not. Alfred shows up to dinner and learns that Joanna and Jonny had a son together (mood killer) named Derek, who now works for the Ministry of Transport (I don’t know if that’s actually a thing in Britain, and neither do our writers). Derek reveals that he has a pretty big gambling debt over at the local casino, and asks, along with Joanna, if Alfred can assist him with it. After Alfred doesn’t immediately hand over all of the money to cover the debt, Derek angrily storms off, only for Joanna to reveal that, gasp, Derek is actually her and Alfred’s son, not her and Jonny’s, and that Derek is in real danger from the casino and its goons and that Alfred needs to help him. Alfred then goes to the casino to pay off the debt, but is rebuffed by the owner Hoskins, who clearly has plans to blackmail Derek with the debt. Alfred, heartbroken that he’s now a dad, returns to his hotel only to be confronted by Nightwing who’s like “Hey, what gives man, you’re the only actual reliable father figure I’ve got in my life, my actual adopted Papà just spent the last six months chasing some PT tail, you can’t leave!” to which Alfred responds “You know what, you make a good point, OK, I’m back, but first we need to save my stupid adult son who I don’t love.” Alfred gives Derek a bugged label flower to wear (maybe British dads giving their sons lapel flowers is a thing over there?), and then immediately following that Derek goes to the casino, where Hoskins reveals he had Derek switch some Freight Monitoring computer tapes at the Ministry of Transport (sure, whatever). Hoskins then picks the flower lapel off of Derek’s coat and conveniently throws it in the nearby trash can, giving Alfred and Nightwing the opportunity to eavesdrop after Derek leaves, where Hoskins then immediately calls up his evil coconspirator, the Duke of Midian, to gush about how the two are going to mass murder a bunch of government officials. Alfred attempts to talk to his stupid son after his meeting with Hoskins but is rebuffed, hurting Alfred’s feelings as he doesn’t even like the guy anyways. Nightwing then breaks into Midian Castle using an exploding robot dog (?) to blow up some other dogs (?), after which he eavesdrops on the Duke and some other British dudes and learns that he and Hoskins are going to blow up the Channel Tunnel, and then (after all the previously mentioned mass UK official murder) seize control of the nation making use of the conspirator’s vast wealth and holdings. But oh no, the truck full of the explosives for blowing up said tunnel is leaving Midian castle at that very moment! causing Nightwing to have to chase after the truck in a super sick sports car he sort of just finds. Alfred and Derek, who I guess were just hanging out by the castle gate, then head into the estate and decide to attack all the conspirators with medieval maces (sure, whatever). Nightwing is able to hijack the bomb truck and crash it into the ocean where it then explodes, killing countless fish and poisoning the entire seabed for decades to come. However during Alfred and Derek’s attack, Alfred is almost killed by the Duke, but is dramatically saved by his son, who is then mortally wounded during the encounter. Alfred, delighted to now have Derek out of the picture, goes back to take another crack at Joanna, but in her grief over her recently deceased son she reveals to Alfred that actually Derek was Jonny’s son this whole time, and Joanna just lied to Alfred so he’d help Derek, a revelation that leads Alfred “These Hoes Ain’t Loyal” Pennyworth to walk out completely on a mother grieving the death of her only son hours earlier, and return to Gotham with Nightwing, never to speak to her again.
I apologize for making the issue sound more interesting than it actually was.